Letting Go of Stress
Some people handle stress and internalize their feelings and then as things build up they erupt like a volcano. Some people handle stress by using an outlet, they exercise or shop or eat or drink or do drugs. Some people handle the stress on an ongoing basis and then every once in a while things get to be so overwhelming, that a meltdown occurs.
When I experience overwhelming stress, I usually have an internal meltdown. I completely crumble inside and even though I don’t necessarily lash out at other people, I turn it on myself and lash out at myself for not handling things well. And I question myself on how to handle things.
Recently I have had an overwhelming amount of stress in my life, from 3 deaths in two weeks, to a serious illness with a family member in a hospital, to stress at work. It made me think of how stress impacts my life every day.
So, how can we handle stress better when life presents an inordinate amount of it as it sometimes does? The best way I know how is to make a plan and try and handle things in small doses. One minute at a time sometimes. But that doesn’t always work if I cannot focus or the situation just keeps going from bad to worse. Sometimes you need someone to help you get through the rough spots. But who is that person you reach out to for comfort, understanding and security that whatever the situation may be – it will be okay and come to pass. Who do we trust to help us?
In order to reach out to that person, we have to be vulnerable. We have to open up and be truly naked and honest about what we are dealing with. We have to express our fears, our apprehension and our grief. I have done this in therapy and in group settings, such as grief counseling and self-help groups.
But let’s face it, no matter how intimate and close you may be with someone else – that person has to have your complete faith and trust. And if you have faith, you are never truly as vulnerable to them as you are with your own higher power, whom I will refer to as God. God is the person to whom we have bared our soul. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our strengths, weaknesses, struggles, faults, joy, talent, and the other million things about us. He knows our heart. After all, for people who have faith, God is part of us, part of our spirit.
I always find it interesting that in the moment I need to turn my issues over to God, it is in that moment I don’t ask for God’s help. Instead I yell at God and cuss him out for my dilemma or my stress or for the loss of someone I love. I end up blaming instead of praying. I end up being angry instead of questioning. And most of the time it is because I do not want to accept what has happened.
I think we have all been there in many stressful situations, yelling and blaming, but it especially true after the death of someone we cared about. How could this happen? Why did you do this? Why did you take this person away from me?
And it is all part of the steps in the grief process.
We blame instead of understand. Because death is a pain from which many of us never fully recover. The loss is unbearable, but death is another part of life. A transitioning to the next plane. It doesn’t feel like that when we are in the midst of it, so it feels stressful. Like so many other things that are part of our human life. Death is certainly a part of life just as illness is often a part of life. Financial problems, legal problems, dishonesty and our own poor choices also lead to stress in our life. Sometimes we can make changes and help to create a better situation. But there are some times, like death or illness, which are out of our control.
And isn’t that really what stress is? A situation we find ourselves in that is beyond our control. Worry over something we have no control of. And make no mistake, stress has an enormous emotional and physical impact on us. It can lead to physical illness, it worsens our health; our mental health can suffer; it can cause us to lose control or not focus on the things we actually CAN control in our lives, and thus we create what we fear, we become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s natural to worry. And it is natural to have stressors in our lives. The important thing to know is when to stop allowing stress to control us and when we should simply let go of it and turn it over to God. We all have to deal with issues every day that cause stress, so it’s important to know when to roll with the punches and let go, and when it is appropriate to worry or grieve or take action. Either way, a little daily meditation or talking with God or our higher power can help us understand the differences and cope.
Butch