Beliefs and Life Choices

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I was told yesterday that I have very strict rules about how I live my life. That I was very rigid about them.  This has kept me up all night because I never looked at myself that way.  I have been thinking about what I believe and what is important to me in a way I haven’t before.  It got me to thinking about one of my coworkers told me.  He stated that I was one of the only people he had met that lived what they believed every day.  And today I am reflecting on what that means to me.

 

I have not always been that way; have not always lived my life fiercely, embracing my principles.  There were many years I lived other people’s lives, putting aside ideals that were important to me.  There were reasons for it, and I made decisions for myself with the information I had at the time. And as I write, I realize my friend is right, I do have strict rules about how I live my life.  I realize those days of compromise are gone; compromising my belief and faith; they have been gone for years.  I now sit here wondering about what is actually right for me and it dawns on me that what is appropriate for me at this moment may not be acceptable in the future.  I am learning new things about myself every day and changing how is see things.  Thus my beliefs change and so does what is important to me.  I think about what was important to me 30 years ago, and it does not hold true now. And the change in my life is my truth.

 

We each have to be true to ourselves at any given moment; true to what we feel; true to what we believe; true to live our lives the way that is correct for each of us. There is no magic trick, no right or wrong.  And the truth for us changes all the time.  It has to change if we are to expand our knowledge of the world and the universe.

 

I was told last night that our self-worth is within each of us. Our self-worth is about knowing that we are enough for ourselves and for the world.  And taking that knowledge with us every day.  No one can take that from us if we don’t let them. If we allow others to treat us disrespectfully or we tolerate behavior that is unacceptable in our lives, it is not the other persons fault; we allowed it and it falls on us to take charge of who we are and what we do.  We can assert our self-worth at any given moment, remembering that what is correct for us does not mean we have the right to push our views, feelings or agendas on anyone else, and no one has the right to push their views, feelings or agendas on us.  

Standing our ground and standing up for what we believe and feel has nothing to do with anyone else; those are our convictions, not someone else’s.  There is no room for condescension or derision in our beliefs; but there is always room for kindness, and even love, when asserting what we stand for and choosing what we allow in our lives.

 

As we think about that concept, we understand that we have to make choices every day.  At work, at school, with family, friends and significant others.  Make no mistake, all relationships have their degree of difficulty and each one is unique.  If you think about work relationships, in most cases they differ greatly from family relationships. Also, relationships with friends may be very different from intimate relationships.  And in nurturing each of those relationships and depending on what they mean in our life, there are things we do for others at times or behaviors we allow, that may go against those base principles.  And it may be entirely appropriate, depending on the circumstance, and providing we are not doing something that will harm ourselves or others. 

 

Conversely, if it goes against our base ideals and tenets, or it harms us physically or emotionally, we understand it is not okay for us.  What we want or need in any given situation is different and cannot be put into a box, sealed with tape and slapped with a label.

 

The choices for us every day are how we interact and what we accept from others.  And each choice is different because each connection is different.  And thinking about how everything changes, it allows each choice to be an opportunity where we accept unfamiliar concepts or ideas, because we are learning every day.

 

It is a slippery slope and there is no right answer for everyone.  There is only what is in our heart and how we feel.  While we assert our rights and defend how we feel, we have to understand our beliefs do not extend to stepping on or disregarding someone else’s beliefs. Decisions we make can impact many other people in our life.  We are not alone on this planet and we have to care for one another as much as we care for ourselves.

 

So how do we handle those difficult situations?  Asserting ourselves at work.  Telling a toxic family member how you feel. Telling someone an association has to end.  How do we handle it all; asserting our beliefs even if it means losing people that matter in our lives?  The choices by ourselves or others, the hard choices.  The decisions that break our heart. 

 

I can only tell you I handle them.  Like most people, not very well.

 

I grieve and I pray that the pain will pass.  I let God help me forgive myself and others.  Does it help?  Spiritually it always helps. But physically the pain is unbearable. So I practice love.  I try to keep my heart open and accept my own feelings and beliefs; a very difficult task, but it always gets better in time. I allow myself time to heal and I remember to love myself even through the pain.

 

My way of handling things is not right for anyone else but me.  Except for one thing.  The one thing that is right for everyone.  Love.

 

We all can understand that love is the answer; it is always the answer. 

 

Love is the only thing I know.